November 15, 2018
Last night, in front of the biggest crowd Rick’s Pro Shop has seen this season, our heroes took the lanes, facing a 0-24 deficit. Luckily, leaguebowling.com‘s top escort came out to cover all of last nights league action, here is what she had to say:
Brad “Stinky” Selhorst was in the house. Before the match Brad was signing his smelliest of socks, and giving them away to all of our eager fans. What a fan favorite we have. Brad enforced his Candy on the lanes policy last night, snacking on a big bag of Red fish. We unfortunately have some very troubling news on Elf on the Shelf, Brad was sat down by Mr. Claus earlier this week. Santa put the offer on the table for Brad “Elf on the Shelf” Selhorst to become, THEEE highest paid elf on the floor in the whole Northern Hemisphere. Stay tuned ladies and gentlemen. Oh, and Brad didnt have his best tonight in case you were wondering.
Lee Keaser rolled in, rocking his Gary Vay-Ner-Chuck Elevens. Keaser was also wearing a mic, and we luckily caught bits and pieces of his pre game speech to the team. Heres what we caught, “If you live for vacations, the weekends, your shit is broken! Go out there and give it your gosh damn best! I started selling stuff on Ebay as a kid, buying and reselling trying to make profits. And you know what I’m doing, I’m selling damn good wine. If you want to be the best you have to get out there and win EVERY DAY! DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN??” Lee stayed on his torrent 550 pace, the guy is lashing them right now.
Jason Lefeld rode into the arena with his Harley, the fans went wild. Lefeld bowled with his biker jacket and a red bandana. Smoke was all business. Jason competed in the WWE Wrestlemania try outs earlier this week, he converted on a choke slam to his opponent, but was later defeated. Smoke finished with a 546, but denied to speak to the press. Major fines are coming our stars way.
Garrett Stout rolled up in his black out edition Chevy Impala, G dawg is really making a name for himself out on the league tour. Stout was blowing the rack last night, sending the customers in the lounge in a panic. Fans got on Yelp and wrote bad reviews, needless to say Garrett Stout is a BAAAAAAD DUDE! Our reporter added, that Garrett had, “The most powerful ball in the game today.” Stout held a press conference after the match, thanking his fans for coming out tonight, his wife for all that she does, and telling his kids he loves them. A true family man. G dawg got to 621 last night on a tough Pla Mor lanes condition.
All of a sudden pandamonieum struck, the lights flickered, the fans rose to their feet. In walked Rick Hartings down on the low end, the fans letting out a roar. Hartings began his rehabilitation for his bowling last night. Patty, his wife was in to coach him. Patty kept yelling at Rick for throwing the ball like a “pansy”. On lane officials had to tell Patty to leave, but Rick Hartings spoke to the press after his session. “Yeah my hip felt good, I’m just trying to get back to a high level.” “I hope to be back by the first of the year, this team needs my experience.”
Rick’s Pro Shop got off the pine this week, as they improve to 8-24. They open up next week as 6 point favorites. Vegas believes in the stars at Ricks Pro Shop, do you? See ya guys in church on Sunday.
Stay tuned as our legendary league season continues!!