September 5, 2019

COLDWATER, OHIO: Last night, Rick’s Pro Shop’s superstars took the lanes in the 2nd edition of the 2019-2020 season. Luckily, leaguebowling.com had a reporter in the building, here’s what he had to say:

Rick Hartings was slated in the lineup last evening until we received a phone call. Rick Hartings was hit by a bus. This was a self induced incident. Hartings is ok, but is expected to be out another couple weeks.

Joe Post filled in for Rick Hartings. All the fans yelled, “Yiiiipppee!” Joe did not have his best stuff, but it was better than taking zeros. Fans were infuriated. We are unsure of our 4th guy situation at this time.

Phil Hibner strolled in with his chef hat on, rocking his dad bod. Hibner brought in his grill, roastin’ some dogs for all the fans. The fans quickly realized that this was all a scam. Hibner began bowling and the fans quickly retaliated, throwing the hot dogs directly at Phil. A Lee Keaser trash can was used to cleanup the mess, not a big night for Phil.

Lee Keaser strutted in thinking he was something special. Wearing his shades, Lee was feeling good, the fans were all about this trainwreck. Keaser came out swinging, and he was on fire. A huge night for Lee. He got on the mic, screaming at all of the fans to “Just Fucking Do it” , and telling everyone to live that 10k lifestyle.” That’s enough Lee Keaser for 1 week.

Garrett Stout’s private plane landed in Montezuma earlier in the day, we asked Stout what he was up to. Stout began, “Yeah just got back from grocery shopping in Chicago. This hole in the wall grocer has this awesome pudding I like. But anyway I have to get home and feed my beloved fish Cheeto. Then Cheeto has guitar lessons at 3 o’clock. Then he has another appointment with the Chiropractor. This fricken fish man, this isn’t what I signed up for.” Stout had a very good night on the lanes, shaking the house for 669.

Traffic was wild getting out of the Rick’s Pro Shop arena. 8 lanes of traffic going all 4 directions, people everywhere, it was a mad house. The folks under the overpass partied into the wee hours Thursday morning. A couple fans stayed on Garrett Stout’s concrete slab, pretty good set up.

A huge night for Rick’s Pro Shop as they are now 13-3 on the year. See ya guys in church on Sunday! Please pray for this team, we don’t see this success continuing.

Tune in next week as our legendary league season continues!!

Reminder: Season ticket holders get in 1 hour early next week. Meet in greet with the players, come out early!